Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
do nipples grow back?
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