Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
