apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
