I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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