You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
