I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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