It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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