dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
