Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
