Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Damn victory sex feels great
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
