Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
