I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
