I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
