yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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