I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
