I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
nutella sex= disaster
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
