Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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