my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
