New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
