Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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