so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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