I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
