the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
