Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
