Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
