Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
