if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
