you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
