I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
