It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
