The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
