Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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