Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
