Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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