Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
