We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
