Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
