so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
