Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
