I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
