You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
