pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
