Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
