He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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