dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
