'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
