I just pynch a tree in the face
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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