i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
