i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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