My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
