What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
