So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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